What can forgiveness do for me?
Many people feel that in their lives they may never forgive a person who has harmed them in some way or another. Maybe the damage done feels irrevocable or maybe the hurt just feels to deep and is still fresh in your memory. What I learned is that forgiveness can be either a quick process or it can take many years to come to a place of forgiveness. Forgiveness has no time frame. For me, i held a grudge for upwards of ten years, going through anger, depression and despair before finally reaching a place of peace. If you're still in one of those bad places you most likely think along the lines of "Why should I forgive (x)", "They don't deserve forgiveness" or even "they deserve to suffer". In which case forgiveness is the last thing on your mind. A leap towards the direction of forgiveness would be to understand that primarily forgiveness is for YOU! It's for your benefit so you can stop feeling angry, move on and live a happier more peaceful life.
However, it is naive to think that through forgiveness you will never feel angry again. Rather than being a single act of will. Forgiveness is a process which we have to walk through. You may have to forgive the same person over and over again. Remember, while we can't control the behaviour of others, we can control how we react to their behaviour. So what can forgiveness do for me? Forgiveness towards an offending person can help release the control and power they have over you. By forgiving you are releasing the negative emotions you have towards an offending person, you may even develop feelings for them you have forgotten or never had. There is a relationship between forgiveness and freedom. Once more forgiveness is free of charge and available to anyone.
Forgiveness has a way of turning anger and bitterness into peace and love but not for the faint-hearted. Ghandi said that forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. If you want to see the heroic, look to those who can forgive. I'd like to take a moment to consider if their are any negative sides to forgiveness because as advocate of forgiveness I think it's important to offer a bone (for want of a better phrase) to all the doubters and those who consider forgiveness to be mumbo-jumbo. I am aware through reading several books on forgiveness that it is considered by some and a ridiculous response to trauma and wounds. Marina Cantacozino of the forgiveness project says that it can divide people down the middle like nothing else. I suppose forgiveness could be seen by some as an opium to numb the reality of some wound or injustice. Somebody once said that forgiveness was created so the poor do not murder the rich (I think it was me who said this). And their are some who feel that to forgive a person is to condone or "let the person off the hook" for a mistake or wound they have committed towards you. I suppose their are some instances in which a place of forgiveness should not be reached too soon. Especially if the evil is ongoing and the forgiver has not reached a place of physical safety. It's hard for me to conceive a situation in which forgiveness could be mis-used. It's said that it's sometimes easier to repent than to ask for permission.
In short there are so many benefits to forgiveness/forgiving people/forgiving yourself that it's hard for me not to preach and advocate it. While I might sound like the local priest with my rhetoric., I speak as one who has experienced a great deal of suffering over a number of years that was eased greatly with the practice of forgiveness. I hesitate to use the phrase "my suffering was brought to an end" because the only real catch to forgiveness is that it is an ongoing process rather than a single act of will. Forgiveness is a path that we weave into our lives that can be left without care and attention. There is a very much quoted passage from the bible in which Jesus illustrates that we must forgive people over and over again (Seventy times seven) perfectly illustrating the ongoing nature of forgiveness.
However, it is naive to think that through forgiveness you will never feel angry again. Rather than being a single act of will. Forgiveness is a process which we have to walk through. You may have to forgive the same person over and over again. Remember, while we can't control the behaviour of others, we can control how we react to their behaviour. So what can forgiveness do for me? Forgiveness towards an offending person can help release the control and power they have over you. By forgiving you are releasing the negative emotions you have towards an offending person, you may even develop feelings for them you have forgotten or never had. There is a relationship between forgiveness and freedom. Once more forgiveness is free of charge and available to anyone.
Forgiveness has a way of turning anger and bitterness into peace and love but not for the faint-hearted. Ghandi said that forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. If you want to see the heroic, look to those who can forgive. I'd like to take a moment to consider if their are any negative sides to forgiveness because as advocate of forgiveness I think it's important to offer a bone (for want of a better phrase) to all the doubters and those who consider forgiveness to be mumbo-jumbo. I am aware through reading several books on forgiveness that it is considered by some and a ridiculous response to trauma and wounds. Marina Cantacozino of the forgiveness project says that it can divide people down the middle like nothing else. I suppose forgiveness could be seen by some as an opium to numb the reality of some wound or injustice. Somebody once said that forgiveness was created so the poor do not murder the rich (I think it was me who said this). And their are some who feel that to forgive a person is to condone or "let the person off the hook" for a mistake or wound they have committed towards you. I suppose their are some instances in which a place of forgiveness should not be reached too soon. Especially if the evil is ongoing and the forgiver has not reached a place of physical safety. It's hard for me to conceive a situation in which forgiveness could be mis-used. It's said that it's sometimes easier to repent than to ask for permission.
In short there are so many benefits to forgiveness/forgiving people/forgiving yourself that it's hard for me not to preach and advocate it. While I might sound like the local priest with my rhetoric., I speak as one who has experienced a great deal of suffering over a number of years that was eased greatly with the practice of forgiveness. I hesitate to use the phrase "my suffering was brought to an end" because the only real catch to forgiveness is that it is an ongoing process rather than a single act of will. Forgiveness is a path that we weave into our lives that can be left without care and attention. There is a very much quoted passage from the bible in which Jesus illustrates that we must forgive people over and over again (Seventy times seven) perfectly illustrating the ongoing nature of forgiveness.